


Eight Years Too Long

by becauseISaidSo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, AsaNoya - Freeform, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9168385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseISaidSo/pseuds/becauseISaidSo
Summary: Noya didn't think anything could come between himself and Asahi.  They were best friends, always had been, always would be.  He didn't anticipate, however, just how much Asahi's marriage would affect them, and not in the way he expected.





	1. April

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, and then never posted it. It was inspired by [this](http://dcon43.tumblr.com/post/142795657456/dcon43-asahis-wedding-i-thinkhis-family) tumblr post, and then grew into more.
> 
> Enjoy!

The date was set, the flowers ordered, the dress hemmed, and the tux let out.  The only thing left to do was to ask his best friend to be his fucking best man.

That was all he had to do.

Azumane Asahi was sweating, he was sitting outside of the cafe, his fingers drumming nervously on the table top.  Nishinoya Yuu was usually late, and Asahi never really minded, but today the extra five minutes felt like an eternity.

“Asahi!” Noya’s voice ran cheerfully through the crowd in front of the cafe.  Asahi looked up as Noya plopped into the seat across from him.

“Hey, Noya,” he said grinning at the man across the table, “How’s the job?”

Noya narrowed his eyes playfully, “You don’t wanna talk about my work, you have your own agenda.  What’s going on? Why’re we having lunch at a cafe?” Noya had recognized the cafe from the moment Asahi had asked to meet him, but, as usual, he followed Asahi’s lead and didn’t mention it.

Asahi looked down at his mug; the coffee was still warm but he had no desire to drink it.  Why was he always so nervous all the time? He couldn’t remember being this nervous when he’d proposed to Yachi in the first place.

“Noya, you know the wedding’s coming up in the next month, right?” he asked not looking up at the younger man.

“Yeah,” he said, slowly. Was Asahi about to tell him the wedding was off? Not that he had anything against Yachi, but there were selfish reasons that he couldn't quite pin-point that Noya wasn’t particularly psyched about the upcoming nuptials.

“I was wondering if- if...you’dbemybestman?” asked Asahi in a rush, looking up at Noya.

Something seemed to drop in Noya’s stomach. The wedding wasn’t off, no in fact Noya would now be playing a larger part in the wedding than he’d anticipated.

“Of course!” he said quickly, slapping on a grin he hoped would satisfy the nervous man across from him, “Of course I’ll be your best man!” He reached across the table and gripped Asahi’s hand bracingly.

Asahi grinned, his whole body relaxed. _He said yes!_

“Oh good!” he said, smiling at Noya, and patting his hand, “I’m glad. And- you don’t have to do a speech or anything if you don’t want to.  It doesn’t need to be a big thing, I just - I just want you … up there … with me … during,”

Noya smiled across the table at him, “You’re not getting out of me giving you a speech that easily, Asahi!” He grinned, laughing, even a little genuinely, “Alright, now that that business is out of the way, lunch?”

* * *

“I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may kiss the bride,”

The cheers and applause seemed to take Noya by surprise.  There was pressure behind his eyes, but he put a smile on his face and cheered.  

Daichi, who was standing next to him, elbowed him in the side, “Our boy’s all grown up now!” he said cheerfully.  

Noya didn’t reply, he just nodded.

“Aw, Noya, I didn’t think you’d be one to cry at weddings!” Daichi was grinning down at him.

“I’m not crying!” Noya said defensively, but his voice cracked in the middle.

“Sure,”

Asahi and Yachi broke apart, laughing and turned to face the congregation.  Noya was clapping automatically, but the clench on his heart as he looked at Asahi’s beaming face was threatening to overwhelm him.  

They started walking down the aisle, and Asahi turned slightly, looking at his groomsmen.  He caught Noya’s eye and gave him a small smile. Noya swallowed hard, there seemed to be something caught in his throat, and smiled, a little weakly, back.

Asahi felt something in his chest.  Noya, however loud and emotional he might be, was rarely moved.  The behavior from the libero was uncommon, though very touching.  There was something in Asahi that wanted Noya to be himself on this day, to not get sentimental, to stay loud and hyper and funny, so he wouldn’t feel.

Yachi squeezed his arm, and they continued down the aisle.

* * *

“And now if we can all come together and welcome for their first dance, Mr. and Mrs. Azumane!”

More clapping.  More cheering.  Probably more kissing.  Noya became extremely grateful that Asahi and Yachi hadn’t had a “head table”.  He was sitting with the rest of the wedding party, but off to one side.  He didn’t think he could take being on display at the moment.  He drained his glass as a slow sickly sweet love song began to play and reached for the bottle of wine that was in the middle of the table.

Someone caught his wrist, “That will be your fourth glass in twenty minutes,” said Kiyoko, taking the bottle from his hand, and letting go of him.  She was sitting next to him.  He blinked.  

“Didn’t I use to make a fool out of myself around you in high school?” he asked, the alcohol was clouding his brain and he’d already forgotten what she had said.

“Yes, and now you’re making a fool out of yourself again, and this time you can’t blame it on being 16,” she said, standing and pulling him to his feet, “Let’s sober you up, you have a speech to make,”

A cup of coffee, some water splashed on his face, and three burgers smuggled in from the McDonalds around the corner later, Noya was feeling himself again.

“Thanks,” he said, running the cool damp towel over the back of his neck.

They were standing in the hallway, the reception hall just ahead.

“You’re welcome,” Kiyoko said, appraising him, “You seem better.  Don’t drink again until after the speeches, then we can get as wasted as we want,”

She started to head back in, “Wait,” Noya called after her.  She turned. “Why will you be getting wasted?”

“Same reason as you,” she said simply, then walked back into the hall.

* * *

“When I first met Azumane Asahi, I was 15 years old.  I was, in short, an idiot.  Here I was this stupid little first year and all I could think about was popsicles and the girls’ uniforms.  Then along came Asahi.  Asahi was not worried about making a name for himself, becoming popular, or leaving his mark, he was more worried about not leaving it. In fact, he was worried about most things,” the room chuckled appreciatively.

“Asahi soon became my best friend.  And, like most people who have had that privilege, he showed me so much of the world I had not yet seen. He taught me to be quiet,” another round of chuckles, “and how to appreciate what I had in front of me.  He taught me how to stop and smell the roses, and why it was important to.”

There were tears threatening to escape from Asahi’s eyes. Noya meant so much to him.

 _He taught me to be brave. He taught me to fight for what I wanted, and that there are things in this world worth fighting for_. He felt Yachi’s reassuring hand on his elbow squeeze slightly. She knew what he was going through.

“Yachi, you’re insanely lucky to be married to this wonderful man.  I have watched the two of you go from strangers to spouses and it has been a privilege to witness. I know that the love that you two share is true.  You are both so kind, so generous, and so wise, one can only guess how much good you can give to the world, together.

“To Yachi and Asahi!”

“To Yachi and Asahi!” The room chorused back, raising their glasses. Noya drained his own in one gulp.

* * *

“For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good felloooow! Which nobody can deny!”

Noya was sitting on Tanaka’s shoulders as the old Karasuno Volleyball team swayed in a circle. Noya looked across the circle at Asahi, his bow tie undone, strands of hair falling into his face, blushing the brightest red Noya had ever seen him, and grinning from ear to ear.

“Alright Noya! I need to put you down!” Tanaka was laughing as Noya clung on tighter.

“Never!” He yelled, and pounded his chest like a gorilla, “I am the Guardian Deity! I watch over everyone!”

“Come on, Noya,” Asahi moved forward and pulled him down off Tanaka’s shoulders, “you're a dick you know that right?”

“Asahi-san!” Noya gasped, clutching his heart dramatically, “you said something… _mean_ !! I didn't think you had it in you! I'm so- so-” he feigned wiping a tear from his eye, “so _proud!”_

The team was laughing, closing in on Asahi, they were all hugging him and clapping each other on the back, a scene reminiscent of when they'd won against Seijou in Noya's second year.

“Come on guys! Picture!”

It was Kiyoko, holding her phone up. They squished together, grinning like fools.

“Karasuno… FIGHT!”

It hadn't taken much convincing to get a team picture with Kiyoko and Yachi as well. Then the group had disbanded in favor of different pictures, other friends of Yachi’s, distant family, and of course the ‘Aces’. Bokuto had pleaded until Asahi relented and the two of them, Lev, and Iwaizumi had begrudgingly posed for the picture.

Noya, Tanaka, and Hinata were dancing in a corner. Noya couldn't remember how many drinks he'd had, but he was really truly happy for the first time that day. Tanaka and Hinata were dancing a slow waltz to a Katy Perry song as Noya sang and laughed, watching them.

“NOYA!” Tanaka yelled over the laughter and the music, “Come dance with us!”

Noya shook his head, taking a swig of his drink, the alcohol was making his brain fuzzy and forgetful.  Hinata whined and he and Tanaka nearly tackled Noya to the ground. Dancing was a necessity.

* * *

The night was slowing down. It had to be midnight at least. Noya was talking animatedly with Kenma about one of their mutually played video games. Tanaka was drunkenly hitting on Kiyoko who seemed not to mind it as much.

Sugawara came over, and he pulled Noya to the side, out of Kenmas earshot.

“What's up Suga?”

“Daichi and I are leaving, so I wanted to say goodbye, but I also wanted to tell you something,” Noya cocked his head to one side, confused. Suga cupped Noya’s face in his hands.“Don't make the same mistake I did.”

Noya frowned at the tone of Suga’s voice, it was making him remember feelings he’d drowned  in alcohol hours before.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he said, as bravely as he could manage, moving his head out of Suga’s hands.

Suga let his hands fall with a sigh.

“You can pretend to me, if you want, Nishinoya, but you can’t pretend to yourself.” He turned, back to his happy self, “I'll see you around!” And he and Daichi left together, Daichi waving cheerfully at him.

“Yuu,” said Kenma as Noya sat back down, “Why was Koushi holding your face?”

But before Noya could answer there was a tinkle of glass and the room fell silent. Asahi and Yachi were standing together, obviously about to say something.

“Thank you all, so much for coming,” said Yachi, beaming around the room, “it gives me so much joy to see everyone here to celebrate Asahi and I. There are so many people I want to thank. First and foremost my wonderful mother who has always pushed me to be the best version of myself. My beyond patient maid of honor, Kiyoko, who taught me how to stand up and be proud of what I can do. Everyone who helped put this wedding together, it seriously took a village,” small chuckles filled the room, “and finally, most obviously, my husband, Asahi,” she looked up into Asahi’s eyes, “he has brought light into my world and shown me so many wonders. I am in love with him more today than I ever have been, and that love can only grow,” they kissed. Noya's stomach seemed to tighten.

“What Yachi said,” More smatterings of chuckles as Asahi took the mic, “I seriously cannot thank you all enough for this wonderful day. It brings me so much happiness to share this moment with you all.” The alcohol in Noya's brain was making it hard to concentrate. He was looking at Asahi, the faint flush of his cheeks, the strands of hair falling into his face, his kind eyes roaming the room as he talked. Asahi’s eyes met Noya's and he heard his name, “Noya has been there for me from the beginning. He has never been afraid of kicking me back into shape when I needed it the most. He is my best friend and confidant, and should never be allowed to make speeches ever again,” more chuckling, “thank you for everything, Noya.”

The world seemed to fade away as Noya looked into Asahi’s eyes. He was aware only of the two of them. Asahi's smile as he talked, his own heart beating hard in his chest. _What was wrong with him?_

Asahi finished his speech quickly and they all rose clapping as the couple left the room, inviting their guests to stay as long as they wished. Tanaka heckled the two as they left, Noya had an overwhelming desire to smack him.

* * *

“No, no, see Akaashi was easily the best setter our year,” Bokuto was saying, “Kenma and Kageyama weren't our year so they don't count,”

“Yeah, but Oikawa was in your year too, but you never went head to head did you?” said Hinata, full of drunken energy.

They were sitting on the tables in a corner. The band was still playing but only a smattering of people were dancing. Most of the volleyball crew were still hanging around though. Kenma and Kuroo had left shortly after Asahi and Yachi, and Tanaka and Kiyoko had gone home together (a mistake, they all agreed, but one that couldn't have been avoided).

Tsukki glared at Hinata, “just because you didn't see them play doesn't mean they didn't. How stupid are you?”

“Hey don't call me stupid!” Hinata retorted.

“So, _did_ you ever play Oikawa?” Asked Kageyama while Hinata and Tsukki bickered.

Akaashi thought, “No, I don't think so, we might have had a practice game when we were in middle school, but I don't remember him at all. I heard about him, of course, but I never played him,”

“Where is he anyway?” asked Bokuto, “I would have thought Asahi would’ve invited him,”

“He did!” Said Iwaizumi, “but he couldn't make it,”

“Shame,”

“He's not really good at parties,” said Iwa, “he pisses too many people off,”

They all laughed at that.

Their talking continued and Noya felt himself sobering up. Slowly, people started to leave in pairs, Hinata and Kageyama, Tsukki and Yamaguchi, Bokuto and Akaashi, until it was just Noya and Iwaizumi left.

“I guess we're the loners for the night,” said Iwa grinning.

“I guess so,” said Noya, not fully meeting the older man's eyes.

Iwa looked at him, studying him, then clapped him on the shoulder, “it'll be okay, Noya. You'll find someone too,”

Noya looked up at him. The thought of finding someone wasn’t making him happy. But instead he grinned and murmured a thanks.

“Come on, wanna split a cab?” Iwa asked, as they walked out of the hall.

“No thanks,” said Noya. The alcohol was almost out of his system, “I think I'll walk home, sober up, you know,”

Iwa nodded and they waved goodbye as Noya headed in the direction of his house.

He lived a few miles away, but Noya liked walking. The slap of his shoes as they hit the concrete was comforting to him. The sky was pitch black and the few cars that whizzed by did not seem to be real. He was alone on the street. After a few minutes it started to rain, a light drizzle, it felt cool and nice after the hot sweatiness of the reception hall. Noya tilted his face up, letting the rain hit his closed eyelids, his feet still pounding towards home.

His mind was brought back to a similar night, walking in the rain in the wee hours of the morning. He hadn't been alone that time though, he'd been with Asahi.

_“Noya?” Asahi’s voice was low. The rain pounding on the green table umbrella they were hiding under was deafening. The cafe they were taking shelter at had closed many hours previously. It was the night before Asahi’s graduation from secondary school and he hadn't wanted to be alone._

_“What's up Asahi?” Noya chirped back. He was enjoying the company and the rain. He was wet from splashing in the puddles and the popsicle in his hand was almost gone._

_“Noya, you're my best friend,” the words seemed to be costing him a lot._

_“You're my best friend too, Asahi,” Noya could tell something was bugging the older boy, and he scooched closer to him on the tabletop they were sitting on. The night was chilly and Noya hooked his arm through Asahi’s, craving the warmth of his best friend._

_Asahi stiffened at first but relaxed into Noya, putting his arm around the libero. Noya finished his popsicle and the two of them stared out into the rain. It was four o’clock in the morning._

_“We should go to bed soon, Asahi-san,” said Noya after a few minutes._

_Asahi was resting his head on Noya's, he breathed deeply but didn't move._

_“Just a few more minutes,” he said softly. Noya was glad, he didn't want to leave either._

_The warmth of their embrace was beyond comforting. Noya's frantic brain was slowing for the first time that day. He was seeing things clearer, a very similar sensation to when he played volleyball. He could see what was going to happen before it did and his heart quickened at the thought._

_“What do you fear, Noya?” The question came as a surprise. Asahi’s voice was rough and low, only audible because their heads were so close._

_Noya considered, “I don't like being alone,” he said, finally, “I need people. I need my people, the people I care about, the ones I trust,”_

_There was silence before Asahi asked, “do you trust me?”_

_Noya snorted quietly, “Asahi, I trust you the most,”_

_He could feel the other man smile, but there was something else…_

_Noya shifted, looking at Asahi’s face, there were silent tears sliding down it, but he was still smiling. Noya lifted his hands to Asahi's face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs, “why're you crying?” He asked, his voice coming out softer than his usual bark._

_Asahi smiled sadly, “I- I don't want to leave you,” his voice was barely above a whisper._

_“You’re not leaving me,” said Noya._

_Asahi grinned a little sadly, “Yeah, but, I’m not staying with you, either,”_

_Noya paused, “We’ll be okay,”_

_Asahi closed his eyes, leaning into Noya's hands, tears still rolling down his cheeks, Noya could feel tears of his own threatening to escape but he ignored them._

_Asahi opened his eyes and looked into Noya's. Noya's heart was beating like mad but he was doing his best to ignore it._

_Asahi breathed a sigh and his lips moved minisculely as if he was fighting to say something. Noya pulled his head down slightly so their foreheads were touching._

_“I love you,” he breathed, his eyes closed, his hands in Asahi’s hair._

_Asahi pulled away slightly, looking into Noya's eyes. He brought his own hands around and cupped Noya's face in them, he was still crying, “I love you too,”_

_They stayed like that for a long moment, looking into each other's eyes. Slowly, carefully, with the feeling like his heart would beat out of his chest at any moment, Noya leaned forward and kissed him._

The rain had begun to pick up, Noya's feet were taking him where he needed, he wasn't paying attention. The familiar block was just ahead and as Noya saw the green umbrellas, Asahi’s voice played in his mind.

_“You know the wedding is coming up in the next month,”_

How he had wished the wedding had been off. How he has wanted and hoped for the phone call from his best friend telling him he couldn't go through with it, that he couldn't handle life with Yachi, that he was being stupid and should have realized from the beginning that it wasn't going to work.

But those words hadn't come. Instead a plea to be there for him, to be the best friend- the best _man_. And Noya had played the part, but it wasn't the part he wished he could have played.

He stopped in front of the green umbrella, a lump rising in his throat. It was closed, not open and offering shelter like that night so many years ago.  It was closed. It was four o’clock in the morning.

Tears were leaking from Noya’s eyes, he crawled up onto the table and settled his back against the umbrella stand, pulling his knees up to his chest, and cried. He cried harder than he had ever before in his life.

Asahi was married. Asahi was married. And he, Noya, was supposed to be happy. Happy for his best friend for finding a life partner. Happy that Asahi had moved into the next stage of his life. Happy that Asahi had ‘found a nice girl and settled down’. He was supposed to be happy.

But Noya wasn't happy, he was alone.


	2. Two Years

October 

_Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me_ . Noya stared down into his glass. Tanaka was working late, it was a Tuesday after all, but Noya had hoped to spend his birthday with Ryu rather than alone at the bar. He'd gotten a call from Asahi that morning, apologizing that he hadn't been around as much since the wedding. Noya understood, Asahi was busy, he had his own things, he had a _wife_. Noya drained his glass.

“See, this is the appropriate setting to make a fool of yourself in,” said a voice to his right. Noya looked around, it was Kiyoko, she was sitting down next to him at the bar and grinning sadly at him.

“Kiyoko,” he said, blinking at her, “what’re you doing here?”

“What do you think?” She asked as she ordered a glass of wine.

Noya hadn't seen her since the wedding in April, when she's gone home with Tanaka. Tanaka hadn't given Noya details but he knew it hadn't gone well and that the two hadn't spoken since.

Noya ordered another drink before breaking the silence, “How- how’s Yachi?” He asked, doing his best to keep his voice casual. He didn't really care about Yachi, but the distance that was growing between him and Asahi was soul crushing. Maybe as Yachi’s best friend she would know about their lives… if they were having problems… He didn’t dare enough to hope.

Kiyoko’s jaw stiffened and she took a drink without looking at Noya. “I don't know,” she said, stiffly, “we don't really talk about…” She trailed off, and sighed deeply.

Noya looked back at his glass a little disappointed.

“Hey,” Kiyoko said after a few minutes of silence, “Does Tanaka think I hate him or something?”

“No, he just didn't think you'd be good together, so he never called,”

Kiyoko laughed openly, “yeah, Tanaka and I would be horrible together. I guess I just liked hanging out with you all, you know, at the wedding…”

She trailed off, Noya didn't notice. His brain had gone haywire with the mention of the wedding. He closed his eyes, he could still see Asahi’s face as he gave his best man speech, the small smile that played his lips as he walked down the aisle with Yachi, his laugh as he'd lifted Noya off of Tanaka’s shoulders.

“You miss him,” it was not a question.

“I-” Noya opened his eyes, “I just don't see much of him since…”

“Me neither,” said Kiyoko, her eyes bright.

They sat in silence, drinking and listening to the murmur of the patrons around them.

“I liked hanging out with you too,” said Noya after a few minutes. Kiyoko grinned at him.

It was getting late. He really needed to get home.

Noya paid his tab, thanked the bartender and got off the stool. “I- I'll see you around, Kiyoko,” he said as he left. She nodded and smiled at him as she ordered her third glass of wine.

* * *

November 

“Come on, Noya! She's really nice!”

“Ryu, I don't want to go on a blind date!”

It was November, and the days were starting to get chillier. Noya and Tanaka were at a bar, sitting at a table in the corner, while Tanaka listed off all the redeeming qualities of a co-worker he wanted to set Noya up with.

“You haven't gone on a date in _years_! If you want to find someone you have to start looking! Come on, go out with her, it'll be fun!”

Noya shook his head, “I'm good, I'm happy,” that was a lie of course, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been truly happy for longer than a few hours, but he smiled at Tanaka’s worried face. He didn't want to find anyone. “Anyway, if she's so great why don't you ask her out!”

“Dude, I work with her!” Tanaka looked at Noya exasperatedly, “it would be so weird!”

Noya just rolled his eyes at him. Someone came into the bar and they looked up. It was Kiyoko, Noya hadn’t seen her since their run in on his birthday. Noya waved before he remembered Tanaka sitting next to him.

“Do you mind if she joins us?” He asked quickly as Kiyoko ordered a drink.

Tanaka frowned, “no,” he said slowly, “I just haven't talked to her since the wedding,”

Noya inhaled sharply. Since his run in the Kiyoko at the bar the previous month, he'd mastered not thinking about Asahi. He hadn't heard from the brunette since his birthday. In the scheme of things Noya should probably reach out to him but it hurt even to think about it.

“What did you forget we hooked up?” Asked Tanaka laughing, taking Noya's sudden stillness for awkwardness rather than the sudden internal flood of feeling.

Noya ignored the churning of his stomach and laughed, “no, I didn't forget! I just ran into her last month, so it didn't jump to my mind,”

“Hey guys,” Kiyoko was at their table and slid into the booth next to Noya, “how are you?”

“Well, Noya has apparently been hiding an affair from me!” Said Tanaka dramatically. “What do you mean you ‘ran into’ Kiyoko? How does that even happen?”

“Well it happened again right now,” said Kiyoko smoothly, “and you of all people should know I have a thing for younger men, Tanaka-chan~”

Noya actually laughed and drained his glass.

Three hours later, the three of them were in puddles of laughter, rolling around the floor of Noya's living room.

“Meaty Meat! Meaty Meat!” Kiyoko was gasping, laughing too hard to form words.

“We just need Hinata,” said Tanaka as he danced around the room.

Noya grinned at the two of them. He was drunk. He was also very happy.

* * *

January 

“Come on! Tell Noya he has to go out with this girl!”

Kiyoko shook her head at Tanaka across the coffee table. “He doesn’t need to go out with anyone if he doesn’t want to! Let him be!”

Tanaka sighed deeply, “what about you? Would you go out with a guy I set you up with?”

“Absolutely not,” said Kiyoko. Noya laughed.

They were sitting in Tanaka’s apartment, playing poker and drinking. It was their fourth such hang out in the two months since all three had met at the bar and they were getting really comfortable with each other now. Kiyoko and Tanaka had quickly gotten over their awkwardness, and the group provided a wonderful distraction for Noya.  He was actually happy when he was with the other two.  When he was alone, his mind would inevitably drift to Asahi, and he would be confined to the fetal position for at least an hour.

“Guys, can we make this a thing?” Asked Noya, grinning. He liked these nights, when they were all hanging out together. He trusted the two of them, they were his people, now.  He didn’t want to lose that, especially since...

He'd gotten lunch with Asahi three days previously for Asahi’s birthday and it hadn't gone great. They hadn't really talked, merely exchanged news. Yachi was starting a new job soon and Asahi was happy she was doing so well. They exchanged updates on their families but most of the meals conversation had been critiquing the wait staff.  Noya’s stomach had clenched whenever Asahi had mentioned Yachi’s name and Noya was finding it harder and harder to hide. _He’s married, you shouldn’t care_ , he told himself over and over again, but it was so much easier said than done.

“Make what a thing?” Asked Tanaka.

“Like, can we have a poker night, and make it a regular occurrence?”

“Yeah!” Said Kiyoko, setting down her beer and smiling, “I'd like that!” Noya grinned across the table at her. He knew she liked being around people too, they were in the same boat after all.

“Okay! But I'm not hosting every time!” Said Tanaka.

“Next week's at my place,” said Noya grinning.

“I'll bring the beer,” said Kiyoko.

* * *

April

“So, what are you doing for your anniversary?” Noya asked, taking a large sip of wine.

Noya, Kiyoko, Asahi and Yachi were out to dinner, a rather uncomfortable affair that Tanaka had complained loudly about not being invited to. It had disrupted their usual Saturday night poker.

Yachi and Asahi looked at each other, “Well,” said Yachi, “we were thinking of taking the weekend and going camping. Most of the snow should have melted by then and it might be a little chilly but we can manage it,”

She smiled across the table at them. Noya looked at Asahi, he was smiling at Yachi as she explained about the campground they had found to stay at. Noya felt his stomach clench. Kiyoko squeezed his knee under the table, offering comfort.

Asahi watched Noya out of the corner of his eye.  He hadn’t been himself all dinner, he wasn’t laughing or making jokes, he’d been quiet.  Asahi didn’t like seeing him like this, he looked … hurt.  Asahi felt an overwhelming desire to wrap the small man up in a huge hug and tell him everything was going to be okay.  But he stayed in his seat, he got the feeling that _he_ was the one hurting Noya… he didn’t want to make it worse.

“That went well,” said Yachi during the car ride home.

Asahi made a noncommittal grunt.  It hadn’t gone terribly well as far as he’d been concerned.  It had been Yachi’s idea to get the four of them together, but it had just ended up awkward.  Asahi had noticed Kiyoko and Noya leaving together, they had seemed much more comfortable with each other than previously.  This both heartened and saddened Asahi.  He wanted Noya to be happy, but Noya had never mentioned Kiyoko to him, he didn’t like being so far removed from the other man’s life.

“Do you think Noya and Kiyoko are together?” Asahi asked when they’d gotten home.

Yachi looked up at him, her brow furrowed, “I- I don’t know,” she said.  She sounded almost sad.

They fell asleep with their backs to each other, in the morning Yachi’s pillow was wet with tears.

* * *

July 

“She so nice! I think you'll really like her! Thank you thank you Yuu!” Tanaka was hugging him. Kiyoko was laughing. Noya had finally agreed to go on a blind date. He didn’t really _want_ to go, but he hadn’t gotten out of the house (besides poker) in months and he was craving new experiences.

“Let me know how it goes?” Tanaka’s grin was almost worth agreeing to the date in the first place.

“Of course,”  

Kiyoko rolled her eyes at them.

* * *

“So, how did it go?” Tanaka’s voice was dripping with innuendo when Noya picked up the phone, “she looked happy when I saw her this morning,”

Noya sighed, resting his head in his hands and putting the phone on speaker in front of him, “I mean, it went fine,” he said. He didn’t want to talk to Tanaka about the previous night.

“She was practically glowing, don't call that fine,”

“Look, man, she was hot and everything, but like, I'm not gonna call her, she's not for me,”

There was a pause and Noya knew that Tanaka was reading him like a book, “did you sleep with her?” Noya stayed quiet. He was already regretting that drunken decision from the night before. Her smell had still been in his bed when he’d gotten home from work and he’d put the sheets immediately in the wash. They had had fun together, sure, but it wasn't something he wanted to do again. He couldn't quite place what he was feeling. Was it guilt? Unbidden, Asahi came to his mind.  Those sad eyes with so much depth to them, his firm embrace as he’d hugged Noya goodbye at their last hangout.

“That is a dick move, dude,” said Tanaka, his boisterous manner gone, “I'm not gonna be setting you up on dates it you don't fucking take them seriously,”

“Good,” he hung up.

* * *

Poker was tense on Saturday.  Noya got there late. Kiyoko helped break some of the tension by teaching them a game called Gin, something they'd never heard of before.

“Gin is supposed to be a drink!” Tanaka kept saying. Noya laughed but didn’t look at him.

“Just talk to him about it!” Kiyoko said a few hours later, while Tanaka was in the bathroom, “Just say you’re sorry and get past it,”

Noya knew she was right, but didn’t like the confrontation.

 

“It’s not like I broke her heart or anything! I just didn’t really feel it,”

Tanaka was glaring at him, Kiyoko had retreated into the kitchen.

“Look, man, I don’t give a shit about her, but you’ve been miserable for a while now.  Don’t pass up an opportunity that could help get you out of your slump!”

“I’m not in a slump!”

“Yes, yes you are, you’ve been off ever since Asahi and Yachi got married and don’t fucking deny it!” Noya narrowed his eyes, “I know he’s your best friend and everything but you were even miserable at the _wedding!_ Couldn’t you put aside your own loneliness for one day and be happy for him!?  You’re not even _trying_ , Yuu,”

“I _am_ trying!” Noya said, defensively.

“Whatever,” Tanaka took a sip of his beer, “It’s none of my business, but you’ve got to take control of your life,”

Noya grunted.  Tanaka didn’t understand that he _couldn’t_ take control of his own life, that the external factors weren’t something he could affect.  He took a sip of his beer as the tension in the room began to drift away.

“Are we good?” he asked after a moment.  As much as Tanaka didn’t understand, he was still one of Noya’s best friends.

“Yeah, we’re good,”

* * *

October 

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Noyaaaa! Happy Birthday to you!”

They were at a bar, Tanaka had gotten the whole crowd to sing to him and Noya knew his face must be bright red.  He was grinning though, almost all his friends had come out and it was a _Wednesday_.

“It’s not every day you turn 25,” Kiyoko had said to him when he’d gotten to the bar and seen everyone.  It was touching really. If only Asahi had shown up...

“Noya! Noya!” Hinata was calling him over to the bar where he’d bought a round of shots for everyone. Noya grinned, pushing thoughts of Asahi away. _He might show up late_ , the reasonable part of his brain reminded him. But Asahi was never late, he’d been early his entire life, and if he’d been planning to come he would have been sitting in the bar since 4 pm, waiting for everyone.

“You’re 25, man!” Hinata said, after the shots, “That’s _so cool!_ ”

“I’m only one year older than you!” Noya laughed at the redhead, “thanks for coming out, though,”

Hinata laughed at him.  Tanaka thrust a redbull and vodka into his hands, “Drink up birthday boy!” Noya drank.

* * *

December 

“Fuck you for not picking up!” The voice caught Asahi by surprise, “Fuck you, just fuck you!” Noya sniffled. _Was he crying?_  “You’re a bastard Azumane!  You know that?  You just take everything from everyone and use it for yourself.  You’re a selfish bastard!  You-” his voice caught in his throat, “You didn’t even call on my _birthday_ for fucks sake!  No call, no text, nothing! That fucking _hurt_ , Asahi, you _hurt me_ ,” Asahi’s world seemed to close in around him.  He hadn’t meant to hurt Noya, he just… “You’re a fucking bastard.  I can’t believe I care for you, fuck off!” Noya was definitely crying.

Kiyoko’s voice cut through Noya’s yells, “Noya, what’re you- oh no. Come here,”

The line went dead.

Asahi was sitting on the edge of his bed, he’d gotten a phone call in the middle of the night the night before and had sent it to voicemail.  Apparently, it had been Noya, telling him how much of a bastard he’d been.  Asahi closed his eyes, tears were sliding silently down his face. He was a bastard, just like Noya had said.  Asahi had hurt him, and in more ways than Noya had listed. Asahi wasn’t sure if he could even list them to himself.  He hadn’t called on Noya’s birthday because he’d known about Kiyoko’s surprise party for him and hadn’t wanted to give it away.  But he also hadn’t gone.  Yachi had asked him several times that night if he wanted to go, told him repeatedly that she’d go with him or not, whatever he prefered.  But he hadn’t gone, he’d curled up on the couch, holding Yachi close to him, and hadn’t gone. He knew he’d fucked up. He’d known he’d fucked up the following morning when he’d woken realizing he hadn’t contacted Noya at all. He’d sent him a quick message, “Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you had a good night last night!” but hadn’t gotten anything back.   _I guess this is his response_ , thought Asahi, sadly.

“What’s up?” Yachi was getting out of the shower, and she entered the bedroom, wrapped in a towel and frowning at Asahi’s tear streaked face, “What happened?”

Asahi cleared his throat, “I- I got a call from Noya,” His chest seemed to tighten as he said his name, and he didn’t look at Yachi.  Yachi sat down next to him on the bed, offering physical comfort.  Asahi rested his head on hers, and played the voicemail back to her.

When Kiyoko’s voice ran through the speaker, Yachi breathed in sharply.  Then it was over.

“I’m so sorry, love,” she said, though she seemed to be thinking about other things.

After a long silence she asked, “Are Kiyoko and Noya together?”

Asahi sighed, something about the thought bugged him, “I- I don’t know,” he said, “Whenever Tanaka talks about Noya, he always mentions Kiyoko too, so maybe,”

Yachi sighed too, then got up, “I don’t like that,” she muttered, almost to herself.  Asahi, privately, agreed.

* * *

June 

Noya got to Tanaka’s apartment late, his hands full with the 12 pack the three of them usually consumed on Poker nights.  Tanaka greeted him at the door and grabbed the beer from him.

“Fucking finally,” Tanaka seemed a little off, as if something wasn’t right.  Noya looked into the apartment, the table was set for poker, but Kiyoko wasn’t at her usual seat in Tanaka’s big arm chair.

“Where’s Kiyoko?” asked Noya as Tanaka grabbed two beers and put the rest in the fridge.

“I don’t know,” said Tanaka, “I was afraid you guys had ditched me,”

“Ryu, we’d never ditch you,” Noya grinned at his best friend, “have you texted her?”

Tanaka opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, his phone rang, “Hang on,” he picked it up, “hey it’s Kiyoko!” He answered, putting the phone on speaker.

“Hey sexy! Where you at?”

“I told you not to call me that, Tanaka.  I’m not coming over,” Kiyoko sounded different.  It took a moment before Noya realized she sounded… giddy.  Her voice was higher pitched than usual and she was talking quietly. What was going on?

“You okay?” Tanaka looked worried and glanced at Noya who shook his head.

“Yeah- um- Yachi’s here, and,” there was silence for a moment, “and she needs me.  You two have fun tonight!” and she hung up.

Tanaka looked at Noya, “What was that about?”

Noya shrugged, “Girl stuff I bet,”

But his heart was racing.  What happened to make Yachi _need_ Kiyoko?  Had something happened to Asahi?  Images of Asahi lying in a ditch or passed out in a coma swarmed before his eyes.  He hadn’t talked to the brunette in over six months, not since Asahi’s birthday.  He was no longer best friend material, he wasn’t the first point of contact.

“To be without women!” Tanaka sang and plopped down on the couch, “What do you wanna do then?” he asked turning to Noya, seemingly unaware that Noya’s brain was going haywire and his heart was about to beat out of his chest.

“Oh, um, I’m good with whatever,” said Noya, opening his beer and draining it in four long chugs.

Tanaka stared, “so it’s one of _those_ nights!” he laughed and stood up, grabbing two more beers, “shotgun one with me?”

Noya nodded, grinning and came over.

Two hours of Call of Duty later and Noya's nerves were not yet calm, with the addition of alcohol, Tanaka was starting to notice.

“You okay, Yuu?”

“Yeah,” Noya closed his eyes, “I- I think I'm just tired, I need to go bed,”

Tanaka nodded, standing up, “Alright, text me tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Noya stood up too.  The beers were gone, there was nothing else he’d brought with him.  He said goodbye to Tanaka, and started walking home, his hand shoved deep in his pockets.

What had happened? Why was Yachi going to Kiyoko? He knew they hadn’t talked much, though nominally more than he and Asahi did these days.  He couldn’t get it out of his head that something had happened.  Unbidden his drunken imagination conjured up images of Asahi and Yachi breaking up. That when he passed the cafe on his way home, he’d find Asahi sitting on the tabletop under the green umbrella crying, just as Noya had done over two years ago.  He shook the images away.  It was probably nothing, it was probably just a girls night.  Asahi was fine.  He checked his phone, no texts, no calls, nothing.  Asahi would tell him if something had happened.  They were fine.  At worst they had had a fight and Yachi had needed to blow off some steam.  Noya rounded the familiar corner and saw the green umbrellas.  No one was sitting at the tables, the umbrellas were closed, the lights of the cafe dark.  Noya walked by quickly, like he’d been doing ever since he’d moved in, ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest.

He kept his eyes on the ground as he turned onto his street.  Nothing had changed.  Yachi and Asahi were fine.  Noya was alone.  He dug in  his pockets for his keys and looked up as he got to his house.

Asahi was sitting on the front stoop.

* * *

Noya stopped in his tracks.  His brain, which had been going a mile a minute one second before was now blank.  

Asahi looked up at him.  His face was red, it looked like he’d been crying.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” the words came out harsher than he’d intended.

“Ya- Yachi and I are getting a divorce,”

The words seemed to hit Noya like a ton of bricks.   _They broke up_.  

“Yachi went to Kiyoko’s and I couldn’t stand being in that house alone and … and the only person I wanted to be with … was you,” Noya just stared at him, the words seemed to take a long time to reach his brain.

“The fuck?” Noya wasn’t sure why but anger was beginning to boil inside his chest. “We don’t talk for over six months and ‘the only person you wanted to be with was me’? What kind of bullshit is that?!”

“Noya…”

“No, Asahi! You don’t get to do that, you don’t get to come here looking for comfort.  You chose Yachi and you were happy with her, you don’t get to come to me, not when you haven’t in ages!  I mean, how much could I really mean to you when we haven’t spoken in SIX MONTHS!” he was shouting, but he didn’t care, “You forgot my _birthday_ last year for crying out loud! I don’t know what kind of support you were expecting coming here, Azumane-san, because you’ve been a shit friend.  I can’t mean much to you anymore so why the fuck are you-”

“WE BROKE UP BECAUSE OF YOU!!” Asahi’s voice, deeper, and well controlled, boomed through Noya’s tirade.  His jaw was set, and he was standing.

“What?!” Noya spit back, taking a step closer to the other man.

“Well…” Asahi seemed to deflate, “Not entirely because of you, but you were a big factor,”

Noya looked at him, “A big factor whom you never call?”

“And what would I say?  Tell you all about my wonderful life with my wonderful wife.  Well, it wasn’t that wonderful obviously. Tell you how my job is fine and boring and exactly what one would expect from someone who didn’t go to college? Tell you about our money troubles? Tell you about how my mother keeps asking when she’ll have a grandchild, when Yachi and I hadn’t touched each other in months?” Noya looked away, he didn’t want to listen to this.  He strode up the front steps, past Asahi, towards his front door. “Look, I’m sorry,” Noya turned, Asahi was still standing on the ground and Noya was looking down at him, “I’m sorry I never called- it just … hurt too much,”

“It _hurt_ too much?!” Noya wanted to hurl something at him, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Like it didn’t hurt me? Like I was just _fine,_ but _you_ were the one who got hurt? Oh fuck off! You made your choice,”

“I didn’t like hurting you!” Asahi was obviously trying to keep his own temper in check, he was breathing heavily through his nose, “I knew you were hurt whenever we hung out, and I didn’t like it, I didn’t like hurting you,”

“So instead you stopped seeing me,” Noya finished for him, “You stopped seeing me so you wouldn’t have to see the hurt you were causing,” Asahi just looked at him, “You left me _alone_ , Asahi.  You left me without people,”

“You had Tanaka,”

“Fuck Tanaka!  You know what I mean, and don’t fucking pretend!” He fiddled with his keys, trying to get them in the door, “I need another drink, do you need a drink?” he looked over his shoulder as Asahi walked up onto the porch, “Let’s get a fucking drink,”

They went inside.  Noya kicked off his shoes and went into the kitchen, flicking on lights.  He could hear Asahi taking his shoes off.  He couldn’t remember the last time Asahi had been at his place.

Noya opened his fridge, fully stocked with beer.  He grabbed one, opened it, and drained it in short seconds.  Tears were coming to his eyes, but he pushed them roughly away, burped, and grabbed four more.  Asahi was standing in the living room, Noya thrust two of the beers into his chest, then sat down on the far end of the couch.  Asahi sat down slowly on the other side.  

Noya waited.

They weren’t in high school anymore, they were grown ass men.  Asahi could explain himself.  He couldn’t hide behind nerves anymore, he could work through them and explain.  Noya deserved that. So he waited.

They finished the beers, Noya got more, and he waited.  He felt like they were playing a long drawn out game of chicken, and he was not going to lose.  The second round of beers were opened and finished, and then the third.  By the fifth, Noya had started to soften.  He knew Asahi well enough to know when he was thinking.  He’d been thinking hard the entire time.  He wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking about, but his mind was solving some sort of puzzle.  

Noya tried not to think too much about what Asahi had said, though Asahi’s voice as he’d cut Noya off kept playing through his mind. _We broke up because of you_.

The steady stream of alcohol was keeping Noya healthily buzzed.  Asahi was matching him, almost to the sip, but he didn’t seem affected.  Noya walked into the kitchen, grabbing the next round. It was four o’clock in the morning.  Something in his stomach clenched.

He put the beers on the table and pulled out his emergency pack of cigarettes and an ashtray.  He’d quit years ago, but kept a pack around for times of high stress.  Asahi watched him as he opened his beer.

“I can't go to that cafe anymore,” Asahi’s voice was dry from lack of use and the sound was almost jarring to Noya’s ears.

The anger that had abided over the last hours seemed to rise back up in him, “And why not?” he asked, sardonically, opening his beer and taking a sip.

“Because I think of … that time,” Asahi wasn’t looking at Noya, but was fiddling with the wrapper of his beer bottle.

“What, when you asked me to be your best man?”

Asahi looked up at him, his eyes were hard, “No, you know what time,”

Noya deflated a little and took a drag off the cigarette. He waited a moment before asking, “why the fuck did you pick that place anyway?”

“I- I don't know,” Asahi’s voice was low.  Noya wasn’t looking at him, it was easier to watch his hands.

“Well, I can't go there either,” Noya’s bitterness was quickly becoming overwhelmed by emotion, but he tried to push it back, “You know it's only a few blocks from here, I pass it if I want to go literally anywhere. A bunch of my coworkers go there for lunch regularly. Do I join them? No.”

Asahi didn’t reply, but took a sip of his beer. Noya watched the smoke of the cigarette curl around his fingers. Somehow the ball seemed to have moved into his court.  He waited, thinking, as his whole body seemed to deflate.  His anger and pain were still there but they had been acknowledged and no longer seemed to need to rear their ugly heads.  

Finally, he spoke, “I wanted to talk you out of marrying her- that day when you asked me to be your best man,”

“Why didn't you?” Asahi’s reply was immediate.  His tone genuine and curious.  Noya looked up at him, his brow furrowed.

“Because, you were happy and I didn't want to destroy that. Because the only reason I didn't want you to marry her was selfish. Because Yachi was good for you and you were good for her.”

“Yachi and I were convenient for each other,” Asahi sat up on the couch, looking at Noya, not breaking their eye contact, “But she's not- we married the wrong people. She- I- we aren't in love anymore. I love her, but she's not- we married the wrong people,” Asahi was stammering, but his words came out strong.

“It took 8 years for you to figure that out,” the bitterness came back without Noya realizing it.  He put his half empty beer down, he didn’t want the rest of it.

“No,” Asahi looked down at his hands, he looked sad, “I knew before. I just- I didn't want to admit it,”

“When did you know?” Noya’s voice had gone soft, and he stamped out the cigarette as his nerves started to calm.  This was the Asahi he knew, this was the best friend in front of him now, he deserved his attention.

“That night at- at the cafe,” Asahi closed his eyes.  Mentioning it was obviously painful for him.  Before this night they’d never spoken about the night at the cafe, as far as Noya knew, to anyone, let alone to each other.

“You weren't even dating then,”

“Yeah but, I could see where it was going,” Asahi was almost apologetic.

“Then why did you-”

“Because I was scared,” Asahi looked up at Noya, his eyes bright but determined, “it was so much easier to be with Yachi. I wasn't ready then for you, so I chose her,”

Noya looked at him.  He didn’t know what to say to that.  Something started to twist in his stomach.  

“I've been miserable these past two years,” his voice was barely above a whisper.

Asahi cocked his head at Noya, confused, “that's not what Tanaka said-”

“Tanaka doesn't know what he's talking about. Tanaka doesn't- doesn't _know,_ ”

More silence.  They stayed still, neither drinking, nor looking at each other, each huddled on his own side of the couch.

“Well?” Asahi asked at last.

“Well what?”

“Where do you wanna go?”

The light of the sun was just starting to creep into the sky.

“To sleep,”


	3. June

It was warm. He could feel sunlight shining on his face. His body was curved around the pillow at his chest. As Noya slowly woke up he realized that there was something tickling his face, and the pillow he was holding seemed to be breathing. Noya opened his eyes, his memories from the night before coming back all at once. He was not curved around a pillow, but around Asahi who was still sound asleep. Noya was wrapped around him, and Asahi’s hair had gone up his nose.

Noya detached himself from the older man, praying he wouldn’t wake up.  Asahi shifted slightly but remained still, asleep.

Noya walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, he needed to think. He ran the water, splashing cool water on his face, and his phone began to ring. It was Yachi.  Noya’s heart jumped to his throat, trembling he picked up the phone.

“Yachi?”

“Is he safe?” her voice was calm.  She wasn’t shouting, she wasn’t crying.  Noya’s nerves settled slightly.

“Yes,”

“Thank you,” there was a pause before she added, “Can you tell him I'll be staying with Kiyoko for a while, just until… just for a bit,”

“Sure,” Noya tried to imagine what Kiyoko and Yachi were talking about, what they were going through, wondering if their night had been anything like his.

“Thank you, Nishinoya,” she hung up.

Noya looked into the mirror, he was breathing quickly. Something hadn't lined up. There was something missing.  He closed his eyes thinking about the night before.  The question that still remained was why Asahi had come to Noya?  He had plenty of other friends to go to, Daichi and Suga would have been more than willing to help him out for the night, tell him everything was going to be okay.  But he hadn’t gone to them, he’d come to Noya.  Noya realized he hadn’t offered one word of comfort.  In his haze of anger and excitement, Noya had  _ yelled  _ at Asahi, had told him that if he wanted comfort, he was looking in the wrong place.  But even still, Asahi had  _ stayed _ .

He had stayed and he had tried to explain himself.  Noya hadn’t found it completely satisfactory, but he had appreciated the effort all the same.  He reflected that it must have taken a lot for Asahi to say what he had said the night before, especially after what must have been a grueling conversation with Yachi.  Noya realized that he didn’t know how they’d broken up.  He’d been so concerned with Asahi showing up out of nowhere, he hadn’t asked him anything about Yachi. He just knew it was ‘because of him’ - whatever that was supposed to mean.  Noya started to feel guilty.  _ I’m a mother fucking selfish bastard, just like I claimed Asahi was. _

Noya closed his eyes, they hadn’t talked about Noya’s drunken voicemail either.  He remembered very little of that night, he’d been too drunk and too emotional, but he remembered leaving the voicemail, and he remembered Kiyoko pulling the phone out of his hands and holding him as he’d cried. Noya hadn’t trusted himself to go to a bar since.

The water was still running.  Noya switched it off and walked into the kitchen.  He put the kettle on, and cleaned up the living room while the water boiled.  They’d drank a lot the night before.  He fixed the tea, and carried the two mugs back into his bedroom.  Asahi was still curled up on one side.  His hair had come out of it’s bun in the night and it was splayed across the pillow.  He was wearing his t-shirt from the day before and his boxers, the blankets draped loosely over his bottom half, and his feet were sticking out.  He looked big in Noya’s bed, Noya couldn’t help his smile. 

Noya climbed onto the lower half of the bed, still holding the mugs and nudged Asahi with his foot.

“Hey, Asahi, wake up,” 

The older man stirred, pulling his feet up and rolling onto his back.  Sleepily he opened his eyes.  Noya watched him process, he could almost hear Asahi’s thoughts.  _ Not my bed, not my ceiling, not my wife. Right _ .

Asahi sat up quickly, grabbing the blankets and pulling them towards himself. Noya smiled at him, “Good morning,”

“‘Morning,” Asahi looked around the room, his brow furrowed.

Noya handed him his mug, “I made tea,”

“Right,” Asahi took the tea slowly, cupping it in his hands, “Thanks, Nishinoya,”

“Yachi called me this morning,” Noya said. Asahi looked up, alarmed, “It’s okay,” he said quickly.   “She wanted you to know that she’ll be staying with Kiyoko for a little while,”

Asahi nodded, but he still looked concerned.  Noya waited for Asahi to take a sip of the tea before he spoke again. “So, what happened?” Asahi looked at him, confused. “With Yachi.” Vaguely, Noya realized saying her name was no longer painful. 

Asahi furrowed his brow and shook his head, “No, that's not where we start,”

Noya was confused. “Where do we start then?”

Asahi took a sip of tea, set the mug on the bedside table and looked at Noya very seriously. “We start with the cafe,”

Noya felt his heart leap. He wasn't sure if he was ready to have  _ this _ conversation right then. “O-okay,” he said, a little weakly. 

“I want you to know, that I meant everything I said that night. I- I liked kissing you. I love- loved you,” Asahi was looking at his hands. “I didn't want that night to ever end and when we finally went home I felt so lonely. Then, the next morning, at graduation, I wanted to talk to you about it. But then-” his voice caught in his throat. 

“But you didn't,” finished Noya, trying to keep his tone as mild as possible. He knew, he understood. He'd wanted to talk to Asahi about it too, but hadn't known what to say. Asahi had been greeted by Yachi afterwards and he hadn't wanted to bring it up around anyone else. A week later, Asahi and Yachi had started dating. 

“No, I didn't,” said Asahi, “Noya, you have to know how scared I was,” he looked up at Noya, pleadingly, “I have never been good at confrontation, and especially then… Yachi was so kind and wonderful and she seemed to really love me, she was the safe and easy choice. I didn't think-” his voice caught again, “I thought my feelings for you would go away. That it was some stupid… crush. That it would all be okay,”

Noya drew a deep breath. His heart was racing. Asahi was voicing what he Noya had been feeling for years, things he'd barely admitted to himself, things he didn't have a firm handle on yet. And still, it was comforting to hear Asahi say them out loud for the first time. 

“But- but it didn't go away. And after so many years I got so used to it that… I think I just assumed it was what everyone felt for their best friend. But then-” he looked away from Noya. 

“Then we stopped being best friends,” said Noya. 

Asahi was picking at a stray thread in the blankets, not looking at Noya. 

“That one’s on me,” he said after a moment. Asahi looked up at him, he looked surprised. 

“I couldn't stand being around you and Yachi when you were dating,” he said, looking at his mug, acutely aware of Asahi watching him, “whenever you were together, it made me almost sick. But when you were dating I didn't see much of Yachi, and you didn't talk about her that much. It was so easy to pretend-” he took a deep breath, “to pretend that you weren't with her. But then you got married and- and I couldn't pretend anymore. When you were dating there was always a possibility- an out. But then, that was gone. You were bonded together. You had joint finances and everything. That wouldn't end because of a stupid fight, it got harder to hope and… and harder to pretend.

“And she made you so happy,” Noya continued, he could feel tears welling up as he looked at his mug, “you were so  _ clearly _ in love with her and… and I just felt so  _ guilty  _ about wishing you two would break up. So fucking guilty,” a tear slid down his cheek, but he didn't push it away. Asahi laughed softly, “What?”

“I felt the exact same way,” he said smiling sadly. Noya cocked his head, he hadn't dated anyone since high school, what was Asahi talking about? “About six months ago now, Hinata came over for dinner, you know he and Yachi are close, and he told us Tanaka had set you up with a girl from his work,” Noya looked down, blushing. “He was surprised I hadn't heard about it. I played it off as if you must have been too embarrassed to tell me, but Noya... I got so jealous,” Noya looked up at him, startled, “I didn't realize it was jealousy at the time, it wasn't until last night that I figured out that's what it was. But I was so jealous. And-” he faltered, “and I still am.”

“Why are you jealous now?”

Asahi blushed slightly, “Kiyoko,” he said softly, picking up his mug and taking a sip of tea. 

Noya was still confused, “what does Kiyoko have to do… oh,” realization hit, “Oh! Asahi, do you think we're together?”

Asahi looked up at him, still blushing, “I mean I know it's none of my business, and I'm not sure when you and that girl Tanaka set you up with happened, but yeah, I'm guessing about a year now, maybe more?”

Noya laughed, he didn't mean to but the idea was too absurd not to, “No, no, Asahi, were not together. We're friends. We're…” he searched around for a proper analogy, “we’re like Hinata and Yachi friends.” 

Asahi visibly relaxed, “Oh okay! I guess I just assumed and… I wanted you to be happy but at the same time… it hurt a lot to think about,”

Noya bristled slightly, “I guess you have an idea what these past years have been like then,” he said to his mug. 

Asahi deflated quickly, “I know, I'm sorry,” 

“I'm sorry too,” said Noya, “I didn't exactly make things easy,” his mind was wandering back to his voicemail. “You're not, you know” he said after a few moments of silence. 

“Wha-?”

“You're not a selfish bastard,”

“Oh,” Asahi wasn't looking at Noya. 

“I should never had said that, it wasn’t fair to you. I-” he wasn’t sure what he was saying, “I was drunk and emotional, and it wasn’t fair to you,” he looked at Asahi, hoping to see something in the older man’s gaze.

Asahi wasn’t looking at him, he was pointedly examining the blanket across his lap, “You were right though,” he said after a minute, “I was being selfish.  Not going to your birthday party, not contacting you at all, that was selfish.  It was easier to just stay home and do nothing, so I did.  That was selfish,”

“But that’s not who you are,” said Noya quickly, leaning forward.  Asahi looked up at him, “You- you’re not a selfish person.  And I- I took one act and I made it into who you were and that- that’s not right, I shouldn’t have done that. I- I’m sorry,”

“Noya,” Asahi’s voice was soft. Noya looked at him, his brow was furrowed but his eyes were soft, “Noya, you don't have to apologize,”

Noya smiled slightly and took a sip of tea. After a moment he said, “So, how did it happen… with Yachi?”

Asahi sighed deeply, “she told me she couldn't pretend anymore. She said that she hadn't been in love with me for a while now and she didn't want to live a lie. And then,” he took a sip of tea, “then we learned we're so much more alike than we'd thought. See, you and I hadn't really been close, and her and Kiyoko hadn't been talking for awhile, and she...she realized that she was in love with her,”

_ I fucking knew it _ . No wonder Kiyoko had sounded giddy on the phone the night before. Yachi had finally told her what she'd wanted to hear. 

“And Yachi and I talked and as she explained everything, I started realizing everything. I- I wasn't mad at her or angry or upset, even. I was … grateful. Honestly, a huge sense of relief washed over me. We cried and hugged and talked it out. I still care for her a lot but- but she's not… you,”

Asahi’s final word came out a whisper. Noya was staring at the older man. Something was happening in the pit of Noya's stomach. “See, when we were best friends who talked everyday, it was so easy to pass off what I felt for you as… friendship. But when we started growing apart, my- my feelings didn't change and that was-” Asahi rubbed the back of his neck, “that was harder to explain away. Talking to Yachi, she- she made me realize a lot.

“I wanted to come here last night because I wanted to face my fears. I had been afraid for so long of… us, and I needed to find out.” Asahi stopped and took a sip of his tea. He looked up at Noya. 

“Find out what?”

“If you feel for me the way I do for you,”

Noya felt himself blushing. He didn't know what to say. He thought back to Asahi’s wedding. To Kiyoko sobering him up, the unspoken question of why he had wanted to get so drunk. He hadn’t thought about the why before.  He realized he’d been too scared to allow himself to ask ‘why’. Why did it affect him so much?  Why was his stomach always in knots around Asahi? He thought he knew the answer, but he wasn’t sure...

He was being too quiet, Asahi was regarding him with a sad look on his face.  Noya opened his mouth, trying to think of something to pacify the nervous man in front of him, and closed it again.  He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay,” said Asahi after a few moments.  Noya stared as Asahi untangled himself from the blankets and stood up, grabbing his pants and beginning to put them on.

“Wha- what are you doing?” Noya choked out, bewildered.

“It’s okay,” Asahi said again, buckling his belt, “I get it,” he bent down and pulled his socks out from under the bed, “It was stupid to think that you might feel the same way - I know it’s been years,” he was blushing, but he wasn’t smiling. Noya’s brain was desperately trying to piece together what had just happened.  Asahi pulled on his socks.

“What are you-” he stammered, but Asahi cut him off.

“I’ll see you around, Nishinoya,” he said, clapped Noya on the shoulder and left the room.

Noya stared, his mouth open, dumbfounded.  _ What the fuck? _ The mug in his hand was cold now, he could hear Asahi putting on his shoes.  Why was he leaving? What had Noya said? He hadn’t said much of anything.  Had he done something wrong without realizing it? Noya heard the front door open and close.  Asahi’s voice from the night before rang through his head.  _ We broke up because of you _ . And it clicked.

“ASAHI!” Noya almost vaulted off the bed.  His empty mug clattered to the floor but he didn’t care and left it there. He ran through the house and hastily pulled on his boots, pulling open the door as he did so.

“ASAHI!” he yelled again, running onto his front porch, barely pulling the door closed behind him.  Asahi was a little ways down the street, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his head down.  He looked up as Noya ran towards him.

“Noya, what are you-?” but Noya cut him off.

“Asahi, no, I get to talk now,” Noya said, panting slightly and looking up at the tall man in front of him, “you’ve been talking non-stop for the last hour, it’s my turn,”

“Noya, you-”

“No, listen to me. I’m not very smart and I’m apparently really slow on the uptake, but last night was the first time I’d ever asked myself  _ why _ you being with Yachi bugged me so much.  I hadn’t thought about it before because it hurt too much to, and I wasn’t going to talk to anyone else about it because there was nothing I could do.  But then last night and, I guess, this morning happened and it just took a bit too long for me to realize it, but,” he faltered slightly but barrled on, “but I love you Azumane Asahi and I’m pretty sure I always have and I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize it, but ever since the night at the cafe, all I’ve wanted to do is to just be with you.  And- and I can’t give you a whole lot, but I know I can love you and love you a whole fucking ton, because I’ve been doing it for the last 10 years,”

Asahi hadn’t moved, he was staring at Noya, his mouth slightly open. Noya swallowed, a blush creeping into his cheeks, “Well?” he asked when Asahi still hadn’t said anything.

Asahi looked down at Noya, and in one swift fluid movement, he stepped forward, took Noya’s face in his hands and kissed Noya fully on the lips.

Noya had to remind himself to breath. Asahi was warm and gentle and oh so soft.  Asahi pulled back, he was blushing and smiling, “I love you too Nishinoya Yuu,” he said.  Noya’s heart lept. “But we really should go inside,”

“Why?”

“Because you’re in boxers and unlaced combat boots,” he said laughing.  Noya blushed harder and lead the way back into the house.

* * *

 

“I cannot fucking believe you two,” Tanaka was staring open mouthed at Noya and Kiyoko who were wearing identical smug smiles. 

“Better get used to it, dude,” said Noya, “You don’t want me back in my slump do you?” Tanaka rolled his eyes at the two of them.

It was Tuesday, Kiyoko had asked the other two to meet at their usual bar and she and Noya had told Tanaka everything. Tanaka was taking it better than Noya had expected. He was smiling at the two of them, openly pleased that his friends were so happy. 

“You know I suspected it about you and Asahi,” he said while Kiyoko was in the bathroom. 

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean, you never said anything, so I didn't want to assume, but there were a few times where I thought that might be the case,”

“You did better than me,” said Noya, grinning, as he took a swig of his club soda, “I didn't really know until Asahi showed up at my place, and even then it took a while for me to realize what it was,” 

Tanaka laughed, “you can be slow on the uptake, Yuu,” he said fondly. Noya laughed. 

The night was getting late and Noya really needed to get home. He said goodbye to the other two and turned in the direction of his house. His footsteps were light, and he realized there was a small smile on his lips, one that hadn't gone in days. 

It began to rain, A soft light rain that cooled off the air. He breathed deeply thinking about the past few days. Asahi was still staying with him, Noya knew he'd be awake when he got home. The thought both excited and calmed Noya. There was no more twisting of his stomach, no more nervous patter of his heart. He smiled up as the rain grew heavier. He was happy. He was really and truly happy. 

He rounded the familiar corner, and saw the green umbrellas. His stomach didn't knot, or clench. He looked at the dark cafe windows fondly, as if greeting an old friend. 

The green umbrellas were open, offering shelter. Noya paused at the table where it had all started, escaping the rain. He was happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested you can find me on Tumblr [here](http://hqfandomfanfiction.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


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